Commuting by train can be long and tiring…on the best days.
On the rare occasion when the train is running on time, we’ve secured a good seat and everything is great, we still have to deal with that most troublesome of issues…our fellow passengers.
Here’s 5 types of difficult and annoying people on the train (and their many sub-varieties) and what I do to deal with them.
1. NOISE POLLUTION SPECIALISTS
These people excel at two things:
- Making noise
- Making people angry!
They come in many varieties but my favorites are:
The Message Clicker: That one person on the train who has sound enabled on their phone and appears oblivious to the infuriating clackclackclackclack as they send text messages. Coincidentally they also seem to be the world’s slowest typists.
The Mouth Breather: Likes to sit in close proximity, emitting a rasping/gasping sound from their open mouth as they drag air in and out.
The Screaming child: I’m sympathetic to parents whose small children have gone bonkers on the train, not so much when the parents make no attempt to reduce it.
The Cell Phone Yapper : Always a crowd pleaser these people will talk on their cell phone at full volume for the entire journey and could not care who might be listening. Special mention to the suits who try to impress the carriage by speaking in 100% business jargon. And no, I don’t want to hear your medical results either!
The Cruncher: Will happily nom nom on a snack (or entire meal!) while everyone is forced to listen. Shout out to the folks who not only crunch loudly but eat with their mouths open, producing the kind of slopping sound that incites violence.
The Sniffer: Use a tissue man!
HOW TO DEAL WITH A NOISE POLLUTION SPECIALIST:
The good news is it’s very easy to deal with all variants of these annoyingly noisy people. The solution is a good set of earplugs or a pair of over the ear, noise-cancelling headphones.
Earplugs are light-weight and easy to transport but they’re not too good at blocking particularly loud external sound. This can be fine on a quieter carriage but if you’re being bothered by particularly noisy passengers, you’re going to want a pair of over the ear headphones.
Headphones are bulkier to transport but come with the added benefit of superior sound blocking. Many people choose to use only headphones, but personally I like the choice. Headphones can become uncomfortable after prolonged use or can having an unwanted earmuff warming effect in summer.
Proof of how effective noise-cancelling headphones are – I could not hear a peep out of the guy below who sat opposite me, playing an AMPLIFIED guitar!
2. PERSONAL SPACE INVADERS
Some people just don’t seem to understand the basic concept of personal space. No, we don’t want you touching us, or in such close proximity that we can smell your breath!! These are the Personal Space Invaders and unfortunately they’re not uncommon.
The Spreader: These people are oblivious of the invisible barrier that separates their seat from yours. Usually content to occupy 1.5 seats knowing that if they touch you, you’ll move and grant them extra comfort.
** Also fond of reading with their elbows extended.
The Man Spreader: The dreaded Man Spreaders affect every corner of the globe. As a fellow male I can confirm that sitting with our legs together can be uncomfortable, but I can also confirm we don’t need to spread them that wide – and no, you’re not that well endowed buddy!
The Bag Hoarder: When they’re not huffing after being asked to move their bags from the seat (knowing full well that seating space is limited) they’re taking up every inch of leg room with their excessive number of bags.
The Sleeper: This person is tired, so tired. At first you’re amused by their on-going battle to stay upright but are soon annoyed that their bobbing head keeps ending on your shoulder – much to their embarrassment! (I am this person more often than I’d like to admit)
The Screen Pervert: You catch these people trying to get a sneaky look at whatever you’re doing on your screen. Stop, just stop!
HOW TO DEAL WITH A PERSONAL SPACE INVADER:
These people are trickier to deal with but there’s a few methods I find effective:
Strategically choose where you sit: This may sound like a no-brainer but being mindful of where you sit can make the world of difference when it comes to personal space invaders. My seating rules are as follows: (also depends on the seating configuration of your train which can change)
- Avoid the middle! – sitting here exposes you to both forms of Spreader.
- Aisle seats where possible – sitting by the aisle opens you to Screen Pervert but means you can’t be squished against the wall and have a small amount of space control.
- Beware the window seat – resting your arm against the window can be great but sitting here on a busy carriage opens you to being crushed against the wall by a Spreader – ugh!
- Sit beside or opposite someone smaller – if someone doesn’t have super long legs or is sitting within the width of their chair take the seat beside/opposite! Better the devil you know!
Move: It sucks to be the one to give in but if it means a more comfortable journey home then it can be worth it. Remember, there is no prize for outlasting your fellow passengers! It’s also the only way to escape a Bag Hoarder.
Politely request the offender keeps within their own seat boundary: I put this down the list because as much as I’d like to give our fellow humans more credit in my experience asking someone to not slob into your seat can lead to hostility and an awkward journey.
Some people will get the message from a gentle but purposeful nudge of the arm or leg – but do so at your own risk as many will not!
If you’ve got a Sleeper falling against your shoulder, simply smiling at them will do the trick because believe me it’s embarrassing being that person!
Get a screen privacy protector: A cover which makes viewing your screen from the side practically impossible. And look – we’re not talking about viewing dodgy things on your phones/laptops here, but if you’re like me, there’s nothing more irritating than knowing someone is trying to watch what you’re doing!
There’s a surprisingly large range of screen privacy protector’s for both phones and laptops.
3. THE STINKERS
We arrive at the more disgusting category of commuter, the Stinkers! You’ll smell them before you see them and when they choose to sit beside you it can take every ounce of willpower not to get up and run.
The Carriage Diner: Will happily chow down on a cooked meal regardless of how many people surround them. It amazes me how bad someone else’s food can smell when you aren’t sure what they’re eating.
The Drunk: Sometimes intimidates the entire carriage, other times sleeps harmlessly but always engulfs those around them in the disgusting stench of stale alcohol.
The Sweater: They’ve either been working out, working hard or have questionable hygiene habits. Whatever the reason, these people are the bane of my existence and when that all too familiar stench invades my nostrils….things just got real.
Mr or Mrs Bad Breath: I sympathize with these particular stinkers because i know there’s a variety of medical reasons that can cause it. But I still don’t want to smell it! When the smell of bad breath reaches your nose, you know it’s usually coming from the person beside you, and oh my god, I try and be respectful but it’s an intolerable stench!
HOW TO DEAL WITH A STINKER:
This can be another difficult type of person to deal with because on one hand you don’t wish to offend them, but on the other – their scent is intolerable. It’s one thing blocking out noise, but a bad smell is a whole other level!
Here’s what i do:
Discreetly cover your nose with your fingers: This works short term, pointer finger and thumb together on the bridge of your nose. What you’re doing doesn’t look obvious and the scent of your own skin is often enough to block out the other smell. The downside – holding hand to nose gets uncomfortable quickly.
Breathe through your mouth: This will effectively stop most of the smell but if you’re like me – I find it difficult to breathe through my mouth for prolonged periods. I also cringe at the thought of still inhaling their horrible smell…ewwww!
Sneaky deodorant/body spray: A lot of people carry deodorant in their bags to stop themselves smelling (and great, keep on doing that!!) but it can also be particularly effective at blocking the smell of others. A quick and sneaky spray to each armpit (even over your clothes) is surprisingly effective at blocking the stench of others.
Chew mints/gum: If you’re prone to a bit of bad breath yourself, a pack of mints is always handy, however like the deodorant, chewing mints (or gum) can override someone else’s scent with the much more agreeable mints.
Get the hell outta dodge! If you aren’t equipped with any of the above – then sometimes you simply need to get out of there – even if it means standing for long periods. Stinkers are by far and away a train carriages worst nightmare and sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do – aka go!
4. AVOID EYE-CONTACT AT ALL COSTS
Let’s get serious for a moment – there is a type of person you’ll encounter from time to time where the only way to deal with them is to avoid eye contact. These people might be mentally unstable, high on drugs or drunk. Whatever the reason, something as simple as looking at them can set them off. They can intimidate the entire carriage and can make your trip home stressful.
If you do attract the attention of someone potentially dangerous, calling the Police may be your best course of action.
Below are some tips for avoiding such a situation but I need to stress the importance of judging the situation for yourself.
- Appear Oblivious: If you notice someone potentially dangerous has chosen your carriage, appear to pay them no attention as you don’t want them to become interested in you, but be mindful where they are and what they’re doing.
- Stay with the group: Safety in numbers can apply here – you are better off staying in the part of the carriage where most people are located in case of trouble.
- Wear sunglasses & headphones: This combination is like a big old DO NOT DISTURB sign and the perfect way to appear oblivious to surrounding passengers. You’re unlikely to be disturbed by one of these people if you’re already engaged in another activity. Listening to music can also stop you from casting paranoid glances in their direction but it’s also advisable not to have music playing too loud so you can also hear what’s going on.
- Appear busy: If you look busy you’re less likely to be bothered – particularly by drunks who have the tendency to want to talk to people randomly. This will give you a polite exit point without offending them and potentially setting them off.
- Don’t be afraid to change carriages: If someone is truly unhinged (and you can normally pick up that vibe immediately), don’t be afraid to keep calm and change carriages. If you leave via the doors and re-enter down the platform it can look like you’re just getting off the train.
Most importantly – just be safe. People can be unpredictable – nowhere less so than public transport.
5. ALL THOSE OTHER ANNOYING TYPES
Sadly, the list above is not close to being all of the annoying types of people you’ll experience on your daily commute to work – but wait, there’s more!
Gotta get onto the carriage at all costs! People so desperate for a seat they push onto the carriage, blocking the exit and stopping those wishing to depart from getting out thus delaying everyone.
People with zero balance: Fall onto you each time the train brakes or accelerates.
People with perfect balance: Stand defiant in the middle of the carriage using no handholds, making you paranoid for the entire trip as you’ll likely have to save them from crashing into you/everyone else.
Self-entitled Lords of the Train: Refuse to give up a priority seat – to hell with the elderly, pregnant and disabled! Sadly these are often school-children.
Germ-Spreaders: Should probably be at home in bed where it’s warm, or anywhere other than coughing and sneezing over everyone in the carriage. Special mention to those who don’t bring tissues/lozenges or anything to help keep their bodily fluids in check.
Small-talkers: These folk have the amazing ability to bombard you with the most inane babble you’ll ever have the displeasure of listening to. As hard as you try not to listen, you just can’t and they can crap on without pause for the entire trip.
The unwelcome friend: You know those days where you’re tired from a long day at work and just want to switch off? These people don’t! Too friendly for their own good, they’ll do their best to draw you into conversation until carriage change is sometimes the only option. Special mention to work colleagues who tend to be the worst culprits!
Don’t touch me! People who are overly aggressive if you accidentally happen to brush their leg or arm when trying to get past them – incidentally they also make no attempt to move to prevent this and in some cases appear to stick their limbs out further!
Phew, that’s all folks! If you’ve encountered some of the above annoying people and have your own ways of dealing with them, I’d love to hear about it in a comment below! Be sure to also check out our list of train commuting essentials which will arm you with many of the items you need to avoid most of the people above!
Happy commuting!
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